I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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