I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
