if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
