did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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