i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
