If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
