areolas are like halos for boobs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
