im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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