I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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