If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
