I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize