Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bet he comes in French.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
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i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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