just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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