wakey wakey hands off snakey
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
