Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
