one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
