I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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