I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
