dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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