Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
