I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
