Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
