I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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