I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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