i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
