Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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