I CAN MOONWALK!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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