Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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