Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
