I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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