Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
