I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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