Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
