Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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