just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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