If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
