There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
