I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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