I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
