You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
