Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
