another moral hangover. fuck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
