I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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