That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
