respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love you.
Bad choice
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
