My sheets look like a crime scene.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
