Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
