My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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