Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
