I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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