My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize