What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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