I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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