bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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