i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
