You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
