i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
