WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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