yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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