Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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