So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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