I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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