she kept yelling 'call me bella'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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