Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
