so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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