i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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