party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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