So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
