Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
