Who did Billy Mays play for?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
