Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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