I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The power of my boobs compel you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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